Emergency Praise Blog #2

I am a giant weirdo.

Have been my entire life. My nick name in elementary school was Oddball. 

AND I CHOSE IT MYSELF. 

I remember one particular day in the fifth grade when I decided that I was not going to be so weird. I was going to be like everyone else and I was going to stop doing weird things. 

I was never picked on or bullied in school but I somehow knew that I didn't quite fit. 

I made a lot of jokes that very few people laughed at. I did a lot of things that only I found to be fun. 

I think a lot of friends in high school might have described me as quirky but the truth is I am WEIRD. 

I love Jesus with everything I have and chose to pursue a career that can make it a difficult choice to follow my Savior. 

It's weird. 

Eventually I accepted the fact that I was weird and that I would never really fit in anywhere. My efforts to do so had been making me miserable. I read books at parties, and had no interest in drugs. My views on sexual purity are considered prudish. 

I am an odd mix of fan girl and athlete. 

So I finally embraced my oddities and learned to love exactly who I am. 

Although it did not change the fact that I still had the feeling that most people did not 'get me'.

Whatever that means. 

When I decided to move to LA I was braced for a battle. If I did not fit in at home I certainly was not going to fit into a place where EVERYONE is struggling to build a career on nothing and find real friends. 

And right now I can just imagine Jesus's tears of absolute joy as I boarded that plane. He must have been so excited for me. 

My Savior had been preparing this place for me. 

He had been preparing ME for this for 22 years. 

I had absolutely no clue, but He did.  He knew every one of the people that I was going to meet and how my heart would just open bigger and become brighter with each one. 

He could not let me conform myself in the slightest because He knew that if I just allowed myself to be the crazy weirdo I am, that I would eventually get here. 

Los Angeles. Mosaic.

He knew.

He KNOWS us, people! He knows us and He loves us!

I go to a church that celebrates the artist in each of us. That offers free improv and acting classes. 

GOOD, free improv and acting classes. 

The universe did not just align for me to stumble into something that would bring me this much joy.

The God who created the universe set a billion things into motion long before I was born so that I might    overcome fears and find myself in this place where my weirdness can flourish and bring light to this dark world. 

PRAISE HIS FREAKING NAME!!

Not only do I feel like I belong, but for the first time I feel valuable. I feel useful. 

It is a really nice feeling.

My Momma Bear: An update of sorts

Hello all of you lovely people!
I need to start off by asking that you don't stop reading this blog only halfway through. It paints me in a very human light and I need you to get to the part where God changes me so I don't look like a terrible brat.

Some of you may know that my mother has been diagnosed with uterine cancer. I really hate it. A lot.
I love her so much and I am really mad at this cancer thing for trying take her from the world.

That being said God has gotten so close and been nothing but comforting to me. Several months ago her sickness would have had me turning to God with rage in my heart. Now, however I turn to Him with sorrow and shame for the way I have contributed to the brokenness of this world.

Sickness was never supposed to be a part of our existence.

I am not proud to report that my first reaction was anger that I might have to go home. Go home and leave the life that took me so much courage to build.  My tears were more out of selfishness than grief. I found a place where I belong and I was going to have to give it up.

But I knew that if God wanted me to move back home that it would be the very best thing. He is not a God of misery or disappointment. He is the God of light and hope and happiness. Every single move He makes is for our freedom and our future joy. Even when we can not see, ESPECIALLY when we can not see, we have to trust that the ending will justify everything the present is using to torture us.

I know. It isn't always easy. 

Or ever easy for that matter.

So after a few conversations with friends and family members I realized I was going to have to suck it up and go home. My Momma Bear wanted to see me.

We planned for me to return in October (this was in August) for my parents' anniversary party. But a few days after this decision I found myself begging my heavenly father to send me back to Kentucky as soon as possible. They needed to know that I would lay down everything to be there for them.

Looking back on that night I realized that I was much like Abraham pleading for God to spare Sodom for the sake of ten righteous men. (Genesis 18: 20-33)

"Abraham was not bringing God into his story, God was bringing Abraham into HIS story."

-Erwin McManus

(I think Erwin phrased it a little differently but I can't remember the exact quote)

God WANTED to spare those people, just as He wanted me to go home and show my family ultimate love. So He could have easily said, "This is what's happening because it is the best way." But He wanted our hearts to break as His did. He wanted us to know the depths of compassion of which we were capable. 

So when I cried out for Him to please send me home, regardless of my lack of funds and time, and patience. When I asked Him to let me surprise and bless my family to the extent of my capabilities, His response was to weep for joy at the little bit of His heart that I had let consume my own.

My prayers were not me begging an unfeeling creator who may or may not grant them depending on his mood. They were God showing me what I was made of and He was more than happy to oblige.

When I got home from work I did some calculating that led me to the realization that I would have just enough money to purchase my round trip plane ticket and pay rent.

I am going to try to not go into too much detail about the trip because God did ALOT. He spoke. He moved. He showed my family that I am not the spoiled little girl who everyone thought was incapable of surviving on her own. (And let's be honest I'm not really surviving on my own. God has been spoiling me just a little).

I got to show my mother just how far I would go to care for her. 

I wondered that week if I would be moving back home. No one could blame me or say I had failed. No one could tell me that I hadn't tried. But in the end God was adamant that I needed to trust Him with the care of my family. He did not bring me to Los Angeles to teach me a couple of lessons and then take me back to Kentucky all humbled and ready to start His real calling for me. My calling has already begun. Although He most assuredly wants to humble me, because that is the best way our hearts can heal and provide healing for others.

A couple weeks ago I woke up to a call from my mother. (And I want to say that every time I get a phone call from a family member right now I assume the worst, so my nerves have been a little frazzled lately.) She tells me that after only two rounds of chemo the doctor is shocked and excited about how much her cancer has shrunk!

PRAISE JESUS!

We are not quite out of the woods yet but that was a victory. Still is a victory.
God is proving Himself very faithful in many ways. He is so not even close to being finished with my story.

So take heart cus His love is going to lead us through this very black night. You don't have to believe that because He is going to do it regardless but if you do it believe it your life will be so much richer and full of hope and joy. And hope does not disappoint us ;)

Getting back into the game,
EMG

The Healing

My life has been turned completely upside down since my last post and in between now and then God worked another miracle in my soul.

He is so good.

I got to go on a sunrise hike.

I don't really know where to begin this one. I kind of just wish there were spiritual cameras that could do a before and after picture of a heart made whole by God. 

In the last post I revealed that my fast did not end all too happily. I was still hurting, although I will say I was allowing myself to hurt without rushing off to the first immediate comfort I could find. That was a nice change of pace. 

As I crawled into bed that night I decided that the next day would be a day for choosing joy. I would not let the silly nuisances of daily life drag me any lower and I would certainly not give another inch to the situation at hand. I would speak Psalm 43:5 over my soul and that would just be that.  And it was actually kind of cool how well worked. You should really try it some time. 

Anyway, somewhere in the middle of that day, towards the end of my shift at work God started speaking to me. He was closer and louder than He had ever been. 

I wrote the words down and I still read them sometimes but they were kind of personal so I am going to go ahead and leave them out of this post. 

But I can tell you that it was nothing like I have ever felt before. As God reached out and touched my broken and decaying heart, I could feel it mending. I had to go through the fire to prove that I wanted it, to prove that I would take care of it, if it was given to me, and it was worth it. 

And I know that it was God because if I could make myself feel that way I would never stop. I would always live in that constant state of absolute joy. 

His desire is to heal us.

But just like you do not give an alcoholic a liver transplant, you do not give someone who has emotionally abused themselves a new heart. It would be such a waste, and God is anything but wasteful. 

So if you have something in your life that you know is not good for you, don't expect God to make it all better with a snap of His fingers just because you ask for it. You have to show Him that you are capable of making the hard decisions to take care of what He longs to give you. 

I will be honest right now, I thought the things that God was asking me to give up would leave me with a boring and fun-less life. Every time I remember I felt that way, I tear up. He has brought me so far and I owe Him so much. I can not believe that I thought those things would ever bring me more joy than the things God has for me. 

To think that His goal is anything other than our happiness and wholeness is a gross misunderstanding of why Jesus came to earth. Of why God created us in the first place.

The day He healed me was the day He knew that no matter what the cost I wouldn't go back to my old ways. So He expedited the process, if you will. And yes, like an alcoholic I still think of my old comforts and say 'Well maybe just a little...' or sometimes a flat out 'Yea, I know I'll regret it but I am in a lot of pain right now so let's do this.' But those voices have not won out just yet. They also seem to be getting fainter. 

This heart was so broken

It had been drug along the ground and through the rocks for a long time

Tape and bandages and earthly comforts were applied 

In the hopes that the brokenness would just heal itself

But the bruises just got darker and the cuts deeper. The beats, slower.

Then one day a light touched it and healed every wound 

The only thing the light asked for in return was a place to live

Be well and be blessed,

EMG

The Fire

Erwin McManus

This 3 part blog series was possible because Jesus brought
me to this amazing church led by this very wise man.

God has taught me so much through Erwin and I can not wait for more.

Get your copy here! 

The fire portion of this series is difficult to write about. Not because of how much pain was involved but because of how much God taught me in such a short time. I had a hard time not making this post really long. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

James 1: 2-5

Perseverance is something that God has really been working on in my life. Reading over my previous blog posts and journals I can not believe just how far He has already brought me without me even realizing it. 

This time He needed me to realize it. He needed me to know exactly what I was doing. I had to understand that I would be fighting through a challenge. He wanted to teach me every meaning of the word perseverance. 

On the last post I mentioned starting a three day fast. I had not planned on actually doing the fast that had been issued as a challenge by Erwin (the pastor of Mosaic). I had planned on skipping that one. Eating is one of my favorite things to do, and I was about to encounter a weekend full of BBQ's with tons of free food. So you understand my hesitation in accepting this particular task.

But that Friday night a temptation was waved in front of my face. A temptation that I have never before resisted, no matter how many times it had led to my misery and heartache. It was unexpected and entirely too easy to take advantage of, but even though it pained me, I was able to turn it down.

I will admit that I turned it down originally hoping that something better was going to be presented. Knowing that if the better thing didn't show up I could go right back to the first thing as a consolation prize.

That knowledge was the catalyst for my fast. Presented with a decision for momentary worldly happiness I only said 'no' in the event that my ideal plan did not come through. And I must mention that my ideal plan not working out was going to leave me heart broken. Which it did.

Instead of going to God when the ideal plan was not an option I was going to go with my own back up plan, which was essentially just Novocain for the spirit.

Being numb is wonderful for shutting out the things that hurt us. However, being numb means not being able to feel the good things either. And God's good things are worth every single bad thing. 

So there I was realizing that if I did not make the decision to trust God to fix this now I was only delaying my future happiness. And in that instant, with no preparation, I began my three day fast.

It was painful. I wish I could put into words the misery of those three days, and yet I could feel God near. He did not speak, He only hovered so I would know that I was on the correct path. I had thrown myself directly into the refining fire and all He could do was let me know that He was at my side.

It was really all I needed.

I finished the fast the way I had begun it. In pain. Both physically and emotionally. There had been no great revelation from the Creator and my ideal plan had let me down.

However I did get to enjoy a tasty Sidebar burger! (Memo to all embarking on a three day fast: DO NOT make your first meal a burger. It will hurt.)

But God was at my side. The fire wasn't easy at first, but I have never felt nearer to my Savior. One blog post could never be enough to describe how all of the fire has changed me and made me better, stronger.

I wish I could express the absolute joy and power I have experienced in my walk through this fire (it is no where close to over), but the thing is I can't. It is something you have to experience for yourself.

When you recognize something in your life that you need to remove and then go about removing it, God gets really close to you.

"Come near to God and He will come near to you."

You have heard the verse, but what you might not have heard is that when God is near you are going to experience the most amazing things. I could never say enough words to make you understand what I mean. You really have to do it yourself. 

Ask God to reveal the things you need to give up, and when He reveals them GIVE THEM UP. I clung to my own comfort for far too long. All it did was delay my growth and happiness. 

In the end He gave me this little poem to tell me how proud He is:

The fire is sharp and unrelenting

The word cruel doesn't deem too far off either

And yet here I stand in the middle of the flames 

Looking deep into Your eyes

Clinging to the promise they hold

Your own feet buried deep in the coals next to me

Even though You have passed this test many times before

The tears in Your eyes are pride and victory

Rejoicing for who I am to become

Preparing for the death of who I now refuse to be

The things we cling to out of familiarity can not sustain us. Let them go and trust that God will honor your willingness to go through the fire. He will bless your choice and He will not let you down. 

My next post is "The Healing". It is all about the wonderful things I have experienced because I chose to walk into the fire with Jesus. The words 'God is good' have come to hold such an incredible weight that I want the world to know.

Hoping you all are having an incredibly blessed month,
EMG

The Wound

Wounds come in many shapes and sizes and depths. They can reach back to your childhood or last week. Often they are not your fault, but they are still a part of you and you HAVE to stop scratching them.

One of mine had been there for quite a while. It became one of those things that I had accepted as part of my life. Something that I would simply have to carry around and deal with when it came up.

Mostly it has affected my dating relationships. You see whenever I start dating someone new I have a length of time where I just freak out. I live inside my head, I analyze everything they do, and get angry over the tiniest things.

Now, quite a few girls do this, so it could just be written off as part of our gender. But the truth is that we are not supposed to live with our hurting hearts simply because most people are in the same boat. 

We need to start asking God how to heal and then combat these wounds. 

I had a fairly intense weekend where I began a fasting challenge issued by Erwin McManus, the pastor of Mosaic. I began the fast in desperation. As a last ditch effort of sorts to rid myself of all of my silly thoughts and draw super near to God so that He would make my problems disappear.

I think I’ve grown more in the past week than I have ever. And there have definitely been some growing pains.

The first night, I was hungry and tired. My prayers were less desperate and more weary. I was a sleepy toddler resting in her father’s arms, while still asking questions about life’s great mysteries: Boys.

That was when God spoke to me so clearly.

“This is not about you and boys.

 This is not even about you and me and boys.

This is about you and me.”

This may be the first time I have mentioned hearing God speak to me in this blog. It is difficult to explain the way I hear God. I do not always hear Him so clearly. Sometimes I have to wonder if it was my own thought or God trying to break through the chaos that is my mind. And then other times it is so clear that I can barely keep from shouting with how present He is.

This time was certainly the latter.

 And would you believe that my reply was “But God, this is just a part of who I am. I will have to have this conversation at the beginning of any relationship I start because that is the way I have always done it.”

God’s response (once again more clear than normal)

“No. This is not something to work out with a boy. This is something I want you to work out with me.”

Whoa. Freaking whoa.

From there God took me back to where the entire thing began. The root, if you will. It was not a self-inflicted wound, but it was a wound that I refused to let heal. It was something that I scratched at until it became raw and infected and in desperate need of cleaning.

When a child itches at one of their ‘boo-boos’ there is really nothing a parent can do to go about helping it heal before they teach the child to stop scratching.

So even though I have walked with God for a bit now and He desires nothing more than to heal me and make me whole, it just was not possible until He could make me realize that continuing on the way I had been was not going to help.

The thing is we often don’t realize we are hurting ourselves. Itching the wound feels good and so we just keep doing it, totally unaware of the damage we are causing. Luckily God loves us enough to show us. 

I began to let God heal me that night. He may have told me it would be painful but at the time I just did not care. He was so near and so audible that all I could think about was the fact that I got to be close to my savior for a bit.

Most of us have a wound that we have accepted as part of our being because we see no earthly way to rid ourselves of it. 

It is just our baggage. 

And oh, how I have grown to despise that phrase. God doesn't want us carrying all this baggage around just because everyone else is doing it. He wants to make us whole and baggageless. He desires to heal us to the fullest. And He knows just how to get the job done.

So if you are in pain from a wound that you just can not seem to get rid of, ask God about it. Ask Him where it came from, ask Him to heal it, and then take His hand and hold on tight because the healing is not always easy. It will be the best thing that ever happened to you and you will be so grateful on the other side, but in order for God to heal us of all the things we put ourselves through we have to go through the fire. And unfortunately there is just no spiritual Novocain. 

In my next post I will share a little bit of my own fire with ya. So stay tuned!

EMG

  

Back in Kentucky: A prologue

Hello everyone! Once more I find myself lagging behind on this blog. But I have a nice three parter coming your way. (And I JUST realized that it has been almost a month since my last post... oops) Oh and by the way this is NOT one of the three parts. 

Assuming of course that I actually stay on top of writing them as opposed to outlining them for four months. 

I attempted to write a blog yesterday pertaining to all of the wonderful things that have happened in the past 72 hours. Including the lengthiest full on conversation that I have had with God. When His words are blazing through your mind you basically can do nothing but laugh and cry and try to tell everyone you encounter what just happened. 

And yes most of them look at you like you are a crazy person. 

But I am getting way off track! I could not write a blog yesterday because I realized that one post would take you 2 hours to read if I put everything in there. 

So today I write a prologue of sorts. 

Four things that have happened since my last post:

1. I got a commercial agent!!!!!!

2. I took new pictures for said agent. (Small previews soon to come!)

3. A lot of the shows that I did background for are airing this summer. And I do not currently have access to the papers that tell me which episodes.... sorry! I will get those up as soon as possible.

I can tell you that I will be on the new show Twisted pretty prominently for all of 20 seconds. So stay tuned in to that each week cus I forget which episode.

4. I came home for 2 weddings. So I have been in Kentucky since May 22nd and I will be here until June 18th. 

I am missing LA pretty fiercely but seeing my family has been good. And of course I learned this amazing lesson and got to have a wonderful conversation with God.

The three parts to come:

The Wound

The Fire

The Healing

And now for your sneak photo peak!

Photo Credit: Josh Flowers

Special Thanks: The Ellis's for the use of their land and horses.

Photo Credit: Ron Evans

Let me know what you think!

Love you all so much,

EMG

God's Promises

I haven't posted in a while because God has been teaching me a ton and separating them into blog topics is difficult. So today I will go with the snake bite.

A very dear friend of mine is currently going through a difficult situation. She received a very large promise from God. A promise that currently seems impossible to our human eyes and minds.

She has tested this promise with scripture and prayer and continues to receive nothing but encouragement on a very narrow and rocky path. 

She got some very discouraging news about her promise recently. My heart broke for her as she cried out to God asking if she had heard wrong. And I must say that even though I don't know anyone who seeks God as fervently as she does, I also doubted. I mean it is a really difficult thing and surely God wouldn't ask us to go through something so very difficult without being able to see the ending!

Then I remembered Paul. The very first story in the bible that I ever read and studied all the way through. (Thank you Beth Moore) 

I may have mentioned it before but the guy was beaten up and imprisoned because of the gospel on many occasions. In Acts 21 he arrives in Jerusalem where he was promptly beaten and arrested. In Acts 23 men tried their darndest to murder the guy while he was still in prison. 

So things are looking bleak.

Then Acts 23:11 says:

 The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, “Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome.”

Rome was Paul's birth place. A place that he had not been to in a very long time. It probably held a special place in his heart. He probably longed to share all that he had learned about Jesus with the people of his home. God told Paul that he was going to Rome. You can take those red letters to the freaken bank. God doesn't just say crap and then take it back later. 

Looking at it from this side of the page it seems so simple. Especially since we can skip to the end and see that Paul did indeed make it Rome. But we forget Paul did not have the great privilege of reading how this was going to play out. He was in a prison cell and there were many people calling for his death. 

Because Paul had been through so much already I can only assume that he was ready (or more ready than I usually am) to trust God to see him to Rome. I would guess that his walk thus far had bred a deep reliance on all of God's promises. 

Skipping ahead to Chapter 27 Paul is FINALLY sailing to Rome, when a big storm comes through and the ship crashes. I have a really hard time believing that Paul did not have any doubts at this point. Not that God had promised him wrong but that he had heard wrong. I mean if God had really wanted him to get to Rome wouldn't He have just calmed the storm? This whole ship wreck thing seems excessive. 

Acts 28: 1-6 

He is bitten by a poisonous snake! WHAT THE HECK?! 

In the end he gets a sweet witnessing opportunity AND winds up in Rome but wouldn't that have made you doubt yourself? Doubt God?

One thing about my friend is that she never once got angry with or doubted God. 

He has given me some amazing people to learn from. 

As I prayed with her, God gave me some amazing insights into Paul's story. This obstacle was her snake bite. Just a thing that wants to make her believe that she will never receive that promise. But God is so much bigger than that. So much bigger than any storm or poison this world can throw at us. 

If you believe that God has told you something that you are going to receive or do, cling to that. Pray over it, test it against the scriptures, and ask God for confirmation. Then hold onto that promise because it will never fail you. God will never tell you something only to let you down. 

However, I must warn you that, it will NOT be easy. The clearer you hear something from the Lord, the more difficult your journey will be. Sometimes it will seem like God has promised you the impossible. Even though we like to say that ALL things are possible with God, we don't really practice it.

I know I don't.

But it is in fact the truth. There is nothing that is too big for Him. If you are currently on a journey that is leading you to your promised miracle then read those words again and be encouraged.

There is NOTHING that is too big for Him.

He told you something and He is going to see it through to the end. The best part is that you don't actually have to do anything but hold on for the ride. He is going to carry you all the way through. 

What is the thing making you doubt God's promise? What is your snake bite?

Keep in mind: the bigger the fear, the bigger the resulting blessing. 

I love you all,

EMG

Destroy me

My days in Los Angeles have been such an amazing time of hearing from God. I thought I would share a snippet from journal. A short poem that gave me a wonderful insight into God's love for me:

I cry out replace me
I cry out destroy me
I fall to my face and beg you uproot me
And as the world agrees
You reach out your hand
And bid me to stand

You are who I have made you
To replace you pains me
To destroy you despairs me
The ins and outs of your heart are nothing short of precious to me
You will change and you will grow
But in this please ALWAYS know
That I love you for you
In absolutely everything you do


I can not count the number of times I have asked God to end me. To give up on me so that i can stop living with the idea that I am made for more.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the shame of our lives that we think God must be ordaining this shame. He must be demanding that we live this way because this is what we deserve.
The words He spoke to me that day (and the words in the entire bible) show that it isn't true. The ins and outs of your heart are nothing short of precious to the creator.
Take a moment today to rest in God's love for you. For a single moment let go of all your worry and guilt and fear and just let Him tell you how special you truly are.
You can pick up your heavy back pack of shame anytime you want.

So much love,
EMG

A New Direction

When I started this blog in Kentucky I thought for sure it would be filled with posts about all the different sets I get to experience. Such as:

Can you guess where I am?
This is the exterior set for The Office!

This is 10 minutes from where I live. Going to see it gave me tingles. Gazing through those metal bars I  wanted it more than anything. I wanted to be on a set, in front of a camera so bad.

I thought I would be telling you all about the glamorous things I am up to. All of the famous people I have seen, and I have seen a ton of famous people. (Sarah Michelle Gellar included!)

I now know that the only part of this journey that matters is the one that involves God bringing me into a deeper relationship with Himself. I came out here knowing Jesus wanted me here. I knew that I was going to grow and change and what not, because that is what happens when you leave everything you have ever known. I just had no inkling of how much more God wanted from me. Of how much more God wanted to GIVE me.

Since arriving in LA I have become a member of Mosaic. A church full of artists of every kind. Every month the pastor has one saturday for people to come and ask questions about a designated book of the bible. This month was Genesis. I am not going to lie, I almost didn't go because Genesis was such a tedious book in my opinion, with no important information to be gleaned.

I could not have been more wrong. 

People asked questions and Erwin (the pastor) just kept knocking em out of the park. Intelligent, educated answers like I never thought to seek were laid out before me. The way my jaw dropped every time he gave an answer you might have thought I was watching Evil Kenevil jump the grand canyon and then suddenly just grow wings half way through and fly the rest of the way.

 And it just looked so bleak for humanity! Going through that book and hearing about all of the terrible things humans had done and how God continued to love and redeem us. And I was just like 'WHY?! We can't do anything right so just let us go!"

And finally someone asks the question:

"Why create us then?" He said it with a voice that assumed he was throwing a stumper out there. Like he knew Erwin was going to stumble over this one. 

Erwin: Do you have kids?

Guy: Yes. I have a son.

Erwin: And why did you have kids?

Guy: I just always wanted to be a father. 

Erwin: Oh you just always wanted to be a father. How old is your son?

Guy: 10 months

Erwin: So he is not currently doing chores, or paying rent, or contributing to the household in any way? He is in fact COMPLETELY dependent on you. 

Guy: Well yea. 

And that is where I can no longer transcribe the conversation word for word but you get the picture right?

God isn't TRYING to make Himself a mystery!

 He instilled in us the desire and ability to be parents so that we might better understand His own desire! He just wanted us.  

I apologize to those of you who were so excited to live vicariously through my posts about Hollywood (haha). I hope you continue to read as I share the ways God is changing me. And I am living in Hollywood so it isn't like the posts will be entirely glamor less ;)

I am really excited to share this with you all. Especially the parts where I screw up royally! Because those are the times when God really makes an appearance. 

I hope you are looking forward to this as much as I am!

E.M.G.

Keep struggling!

This post has taken a while to get out because I could not seem to get the words right. I hope you can makes sense of the ramblings from my heart!

Living in Los Angeles has been absolutely amazing. I have fallen hard for this city in so many ways.

However, the past couple of weeks have been a struggle. There have been a lot of missteps and a lot of wrong doings on my part. I have failed in many ways.

One particular failure placed me in a difficult rut. A small voice in my head whispered that I was currently a broken mess and that if I prayed to God now He wouldn't even listen. I had no business talking to Him when I was in this state. He would only be disgusted.

Oh how very wrong. 

If you let your misgivings and flaws control whether or not you go to God then the enemy is winning.

Go to God always. 

God can use the very little bit of faith and self control that we can give Him. We will NEVER be perfect. We will always be struggling with something. So if we wait until we are perfect to take ourselves to Him we fail. Satan wins. 

Come as you are. 

This doesn't mean we should continue to sin with the thought 'Oh He'll just forgive me' going through our heads. It means that we need to quit taking our sin to the corner thinking we can force it out of our lives in private. In my most recent Beth Moore study (The Law of Love), Beth hit me with more of her profound wisdom:

"No one was ever shamed out of their pit."

The shame and guilt we pile onto ourselves, hoping that it will be what drives us into a life worth living, is only weighing us down. Pressing us tighter to the floor of the hole we have dug ourselves.

The only way out is to let God love us out.

No matter how little we have to give, God is never ashamed of our offerings. He is so pleased with them. He is so proud of them. 

He can feed the masses with the two fish you bring. If you bring Him nothing He can do nothing with you.

Don't wait until you are in a perfect state of being. It will never happen. Just go to God right now. 

The freedom we have in God does not make us perfect. It opens our eyes to truth and then makes us free to start wrestling our own selfish desires to walk in that truth. 

Keep struggling.

P.S. A good accompaniment to this blog post is Chapter 8 in 'The Screwtape Letters' by C.S. Lewis.